Whose Am I?

This is a hard for me.  I feel as though I'm a baby bird trying to poke my way out of this difficult shell.  But to the outsider, the shell is soft.  And he doesn't know how weak the baby bird is.  He wants to tear open the soft shell and do everything for the chick.  But he can't.  And that sums up life doesn't it?  Or motherhood.  Or something profound.  Or maybe not.  Welcome to my brain! (sigh)


I've struggled a lot finding myself lately.  Although this is not a completely foreign feeling.  We do this all our lives.  We are philoshopers.  We are thologians.  We are imperfect.  Yet, we are made in His image.  That makes us set apart from creation.  Set apart for His works.  (Eph 2:10)  But then we struggle.  And cry.  And fight.  And tell God we are nothing.  We try and convince Him that we fail all the time.  We listen to our feelings and the Father of Lies.  We beg Him to stop time.  To make the sun stand still.  We feel sorry for ourselves.  We stop reading His Word.  We tread the waters of life, thinking we are going to drown in the next moments.  We don't though.  He washes us to shore yet once again.  He is faithful.  We KNOW this, yet we refuse to live our lives as though we BELONG to him (still learning what that is).  Rather, we live as though we belong to our bodies.  We feed them organic food (I confess), exercise (sometimes) regularly, and muster up strength to get through the day, week, year, etc.  We use CAFFEINE to accomplish this at times.  (um, can I get an AMEN! God made it people!!)  Then we flop in our beds and dread the next morning when our kids wake us up too early because we watched too many episodes of Downton Abbey the night before.  This has not always been my life, no, it has just been a couple years for me. 


Where is the victorious life?!!  Where is carefree living?  Where is my hairbrush?  Oh wait, that's a song. 


So the philosopher in me wants to perfect and groom my life into this ideal package...which I keep changing.  Ironic, isn't it?  The theologian just got thrown out into the Pacific (guess Atlantic now) Ocean without her Bible or library.  Deep waters suck the life out of your body.  And all the while we MOAAANNNN and CRRYYYYY and weep.  We say, "God, where are YOU!!!!"  We live as though we are trying to figure out who we are in the deep waters.  Yet our God wants us to see that we are nothing.  We are imperfect girls, women, moms, daughters, wives, sisters.  We ALWAYS need forgiveness.  We need HIM.  He wants us to recognize to whom we belong.  And the answer for the Christian is "we belong to Christ."  What does that mean?  I have a lot of answers for that, but you and I need to cling to different verses at different times in our lives.  So Ill leave you to open your Bible and figure it out.  And yes, you can figure it out. 


Still trying to remind and train my mind to KNOW this and ask myself this everyday.  In the mean time, I'm resting.  Resting in Gods promise of Life, and of Care.  Because He loves me.  And He loves you too.  And while I'm all mushy, I love you too.  No really, I do.  :)