True Life in Christ

There is no freedom in:

Persons

Luxury

Quiet

Thoughts

Pleasures

Duties

Work

There is only freedom in:

Giving oneself away:

Every moment I feel frustrated by someone's actions that I don't approve of. Every time I feel let down in my expectation. Every time someone doesn't put me first. Every time I feel the need to retreat. Every time I am called upon. Every time. Give. Give. Eucharisto. Give myself away. As if Christ Himself acted in a way in which I didn't approve of, every time my expectation in prayer was not answered, every time God calls me to put others before myself, every time I want to hide from Him, every time He asks me to stretch myself for someone else, GIVE. Give myself away. Jim Elliot said, " He is no fool who gives

What he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose."  This is answer to the problem of myself. Give. Give it all away. For Christ. 

Carrying your cross:

What is your cross Christian?  Is it a broken marriage? An empty womb? A difficult child? A stubborn diseased parent? A disability? A continual and trying burden that you feel as though you cannot do any longer? An empty pocketbook? A life threatening disease? Stolen possessions? Someone who continues to take advantage of you? An investment lost? What is your lot?  Christ has not asked us to carry that which He Himself has not already borne as an example for us. Hebrews 4:14-16 states, "Since in Jesus, the Son of God, we have the supreme high priest who has gone through to the highest heaven, we must hold fast to our profession of faith. For the high priest we have is not incapable of feeling our weaknesses with us, but has been put to the test in exactly the same way as ourselves, apart from sin. Let us, then, have no fear in approaching the throne of grace to receive mercy and to find grace when we are in need of help. " and as our Lord Jesus himself reminds us, " Come to me, all who are labour and are overburdened, and I will give you rest. " Carry your cross Christian, and He will give you what you ask for.  (Matt 5:7-11)

And counting your life as lost:

"No one who does not carry his cross and come after me can be my disciple. " Luke 14:27

The hard words of Christ come at great cost. As our Lord continues in v28 "and indeed which of you here, intending to build a tower, would not first sit down and count the cost to see if he had enough to complete it? ...so in the same way, none of you can be my disciple without giving up all that he owns." And  Luke 9:23-24 says, "If anyone wants to be a follower of mine, let him renounce himself and take up his cross every day and follow me. Anyone who wants to save his life will lose it; but anyone who loses his life for my sake, will save it. What benefit is it to anyone to win the whole world and forfeit his very self?"

For without True Service in Christ, there only comes a wailing for more of what your passions beseech. Persons will let you down. Luxury and vanity will only leave you coming back for more. Quiet times and thoughts will only leave you begrudging noise. Duties and work will only leave you hungry for satisfaction and praise. Pleasures will cling to you like a leech to its host. They all leave you hungry and thirsty and wanten. The Freedom of the Law of Christ is Love. Love the Lord your God with all your strength, heart, soul, and mind & Love Thy neighbor as thyself. Lord have Mercy on me that I might not sin against Thee. Amen. 

My New Life Schedule

Well friends, It's a new year, and most of you know that I'm not into New Years' Resolutions. I truly was at a place of desperation. I needed to revamp my schedule because it was spinning out of control. My house was a mess all the time and I either had to clean all day everyday or school and "let it all hang out."  😩😫😱

I prayed and begged the Lord to give me an answer that could actually be done by a real person (aka...me) and waited expectedly for Him to answer. I know He has called me to my lot and I enjoy it.   Thoroughly.  And then He gave me some answers by way of a new friend named Denise. We go to church together and she has been blessed with a wonderful mentor and resources that I've not heard of, and I am always happy to glean from anyone who offers thoughts on the topic of homemaking
and /or homeschooling.  So.... I asked her to give me all that she has learned and made some notes. Here are the notes:

Make lunches for everyone the night before. This sounds dumb, but it has saved so much time. We no longer have to stop, cook, cleanup, and tread back to something. Can I get a 🙌👏👊?

Chore packs. This originally came from the Maxwell Family blog. Titus 2 dot org or something like that. I've always admired them and always debated whether or not to purchase their resources not knowing if I'd actually use them. But again, LIFESAVER!  This is where the organization started. Kyle and the kids and I all went to the "white board" literally and wrote out a million things. Here are the categories:
 GOALS (monthly, quarterly, yearly ) for all living things in our house, including Copper the faithful pup.
DAILY TASKS ( for all people) even naps people!!

MORNING AND AFTERNOON CHORES. this includes every little thing that has to get done in   order for your house to be ready for the next day. Whatever that means to you.  Morning chores are done between the time they rise and when they start school. Breakfast is included in this. Afternoon chores are done between free time and dinner. Don't get your chores done? No problem, no dinner for you.😵 Guess what. They want dinner, so it gets done. 😎

 SCHOOL ITINERARY. What has to get done everyday or for some, every week. For us, it's CC memory work, Timeline cards for history, handwriting, spelling, math, Christian virtues/ Catechism, Bible memory, and geography. Did you notice they don't have science? We read our science cards once a week. Come on people, me no likey. 😏 I throw in some extra stuff too but those are the basics. After lunch and they are outside for a long while, we read, read, read. I read to them, they read quietly. Canon must do this too even though he can't actually read. He flips through the books we have at home or from current library loaners.

WEEKLY/MONTHLY CHORES extras cleaning/ organization etc.

EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES

After that is all up, I wrote out all those things on index cards in respective ring hooks so that they can be accessed easily and we can refer to them easily. ( was my favorite part...dork.) I wrote our school schedule on the white board so the boys can just move to the next thing on their own.

Now here is my sample schedule:
Wake early/ shower
Read my Bible/devotions
Exercise 1-3x per week ( yeah, I'm not a cross fitter)
Be joyful
Breakfast/cleanup
Start laundry
School kids ( around 9 ish )
Love babies
Prep dinner/ eat packed lunch
Free time!!!!!!
Cook dinner/ afternoon chores
Sweep every room
Eat dinner/ clean up
Bathe children/ read with dad
Prepare for next day/ week


Did I miss anything? Do you have questions? Email or text me. Kyleandpaiger@gmail.com
Comment below and tell me your secrets!!!

Productivity

A few weeks ago, Kyle and I had a conversation about this subject.  His company runs off many statistics that help to assess how they can help other businesses thrive in the area of productivity.  Interestingly enough, some statistician somewhere figured out that average people are only extremely productive for 4-5 hours every 8 hours.  Hmmm.  Well, surely this could a load of hogwash, but let's say it true.

Little ol' me, musing while washing dishes or driving somewhere thought, "hey Paige, this might make a whole lot of sense."  Of course unless you really have a super crazy full day of deadlines, etc.  "I've got two 8 hour chunks in my day, so let's clump some productive times together and prioritize according to my current needs and schedule.  Wow, Paige, you sound so professional!" "Why, thank you Paige."  Ha.  Here's whats I gots to do:

School my two older boys.
Make healthy breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day.
Keep up on daily/weekly chores.
      Make beds every morning.
      Pick up rooms twice a day.
      Wipe down bathrooms daily.
      Close kitchen at the end of every night.
       Make weekly plans for school.  (I don't prefer NOT to do it advance for lots of reasons.)
      Vacuum three times a week.
       Mop every other day.
       Do laundry 6 days a week (2-3 a day) and put away at once. (This took me ten years people!)
       Iron Kyle's shirts once a week.  (or a few if I'm lazy.  whoops)
       Read to children twice a day for at least 20-30 min.
       Read myself for at least 15 minutes a day.
       Sit down everyday for 30-60 min. (yes, I make this a priority.  Thanks to My dears Sarah Erickson and
            Becky Freeman)
       Walk every other day and (I plan to) do some calisthenics.
       Organize papers, schoolwork, mail 3 days a week. (Kyle pays bills online for me.  Hallelujah!)
       Mow the lawn, rake leaves, sweep driveway every 10 days.
       Visit, text or make phone calls every day or every other. average of 45 minutes. (Daily with husband and
              Kristal.  Hi Kristal!   ;*3)
       Communicate for 30 minutes at least with husband when he gets home. (the kids are not allowed to
              talk or interrupt us.)
        Sleep for at least 7 hours.

There are of course other things we do every week, but you get the gist.          

Ok, so this is about the average job description that most people have in any profession. Let's face it, it's probably less than those who work and care for their home.  It is manageable,  granted that you don't have many distractions (other than children ;)).  So I said to myself, "Paige, what's the most important thing(s) you need to do everyday?"  Answer? School kids and feed family.  If nothing else gets done...oh well!  It can always be made up.  Stressfully at times, but whatever.  Such is life.  Ok, so back to the big P...Ive got 4 hours every 8 to get stuff done.  That's pretty good news for me.  School is done twice a day.  Morning and afternoon. 3 hours in the morning, 1+ hour in the afternoon. (This will fluctuate from week to week and every year of course but the boys are required to be outside for at least an hour a day.  Three hours in the spring/summer.)  So I've got 4-5 hours every morning before lunch to get (everyone) dressed, make beds, eat breakfast, school the boys for the morning portion, read to them and myself, start laundry, put away a load (easy), tidy up school room (put away books, colors, papers, etc.)  Eat lunch.  Relax!!  Yay!  My productivity is high and I've still got 3-4 hours left.  We read, snuggle, nap, play, do dishes sometimes, and start more laundry in the next two hours.  Then prep for dinner and school some more between 2pm and 3pm.  I've got the next 8 hours to accomplish very little and maybe even catch up on Instagram, phone calls, texts, and exercise.

So maybe that was a little too much information, but I was very encouraged by this and thought I'd share.  Breaking things up for me helps my mind work hard and consequently rest.  It also frees up time for me to serve in our church, and craft if I ever do learn.  It frees me up to say yes to my hubby and friends if they need me to do something from time to time. It's like budgeting in a way.  Squeeze your money and it ends up working for you!  (Read a Dave Ramsey book if you have no idea what I'm talking about.)

Of course this is all bounced off the question of "Am I redeeming the time?" One of the main and simple questions I always try to ask myself...
     
I'm interested if anyone else think along these lines.  What works for you? 
        
   
     

Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Etc.

Well I'm finally getting around to posting about why no more Facebook, or at least, very little Facebook for muah.  First off, this is not a brown nosed judgmental post.  This is my journey, not yours.  I don't pretend to be you, and surely you don't pretend to be me.  Thanks.  That sounds harsh.  I mean.... I really don't look down upon anyone who uses it.  I don't make it my concern, really.  I love all the people on my friends list.  This is just my reasons for not going on.  :)  Now on to my explanation....

Facebook was starting to interfere with some things in my life.  1) Paying attention to my kids.  You know when your kid starts saying "Mom" 4 times before you respond.  Yeah.   2) Wasting time and not allowing me to get done what I need to, which is always growing as my family is growing. House chores, schooling, reading.  It was a cocktail of the sorts.  3)  Paying attention to doing what was good for my marriage.  Kyle means the world to me.  I'd really like to spend most days with him.  All day.  My soul cherishes him and my actions were not reflecting that, so pretty much it had to go.  This is why:  I was checking out what my friends were thinking and doing.  Now I think its great that I CAN do this, but not at the expense of my responsibilities.  Lets face it, I've got four kids.  I home school.  I want to feed our mouths good food for lots of reasons (I'll post about that another time.) I want to play with my kids, I have to manage our home.  Sounds like plenty to do.  Yup.  It is.  4) The ironic part was that most of my friends were posting good things.  Like, Scripture and edifying things.  Why would I want to delete that from my life?  Well, I'll tell you.  Remember when you used to peek at your friends artwork in the 3rd grade and compare if you were "up to par?" And your friend always had a more artsy and creative picture than you.  It's KINDA like that.  And basically, it wasn't me!  I'm so tired of trying to be other people.  I'm tired of living through others' glasses.  I want to be who God would have me to be.  I want to use my spare time to learn new things and pray for people I think about.  I want to search the library and Internet on how to love God through my talents and inclinations.  And then share.  With you.  Or my friends.  5)  In my estimation, its become a marketplace for consumption, discontent, and rubbish (with exception to all my awesome friends who post edifying things and cute pictures of babies!) The problem is, I'm not in that market right now.  I may be more inclined in 10 years to meander on it more, but in the mean time, I can't.  My time is more precious than I realize and I want my actions to reflect that.  6) I don't want my kids to think that its normative to be on the phone all day.  I did'nt grow up with that, and I think that was a great thing.  Our family motto is....well we have a lot, but one of them is....less is best.  For everything really, but that only applies to certain things (I'm digging myself in a hole here) and this is one of those things. 

About Instagram, I like it and don't like it.  I love that I can speed through my "feed" in less than five minutes, catch up with friends, and turn it off.  And this is exactly what I do.  I don't waste time on it.  I don't browse that much. If I do, its in the evening, and sometimes with my hubs.  A fun thing to do together. It's a abbreviated social network.  I love that this picture taking mama can document life and save it!  Enough said.  I don't care too much what others think of my posts, I do them for my family and kin, and for friends far away (as a keeping in touch, if you will). I don't like all the pictures.  Sounds stupid, right?  I know.  I plead the woman card on this and claim to have existing contradicting beliefs simultaneously.  There.  What I really mean is that our culture has dumbed down in the form of illiteracy.  Figuratively and literally.  People don't read for information anymore, people look at pictures.  It's like a LEGO instruction booklet.  Its cross cultural, and that's great, but its probably not good for your noggin'.  Remember what your teachers and parents used to say about reading?  It's true.  It's good for you. 

Twitter is..well, I have no idea what it is.  And I don't care.  I'm sure there is plenty  of other networks out there, but I've never heard of them.

Love ya!

Consummation

What a word!  It has words in it, it brings other words to mind.  Consummation! 


As I was listening to a lecture from a Ligonier conference this morning, its speaker used the word.  Consummation.  It brought me back a few years ago when I made a temporal connection.  Remember the hymn The Church's One Foundation?  Well, there's a new arrangement to it now in post-modernity, but I remember it from our Lutheran Hymnal growing up.  I loved/love the original tune! Enjoy it here if you'd like.  There are more verses, but here are the first five:






The Church’s one foundation
Is Jesus Christ her Lord,
She is His new creation
By water and the Word.
From heaven He came and sought her
To be His holy bride;
With His own blood He bought her
And for her life He died.






She is from every nation,
Yet one o’er all the earth;
Her charter of salvation,
One Lord, one faith, one birth;
One holy Name she blesses,
Partakes one holy food,
And to one hope she presses,
With every grace endued.






The Church shall never perish!
Her dear Lord to defend,
To guide, sustain, and cherish,
Is with her to the end:
Though there be those who hate her,
And false sons in her pale,
Against both foe or traitor
She ever shall prevail.






Though with a scornful wonder
Men see her sore oppressed,
By schisms rent asunder,
By heresies distressed:
Yet saints their watch are keeping,
Their cry goes up, “How long?”
And soon the night of weeping
Shall be the morn of song!






’Mid toil and tribulation,
And tumult of her war,
She waits the consummation
Of peace forevermore;
Till, with the vision glorious,
Her longing eyes are blest,
And the great Church victorious
Shall be the Church at rest.






She waits the consummation....isn't that the whole of our lives?  We are always waiting for something.  We wait in line at the store, we wait for our kids to get in the car, we wait for the news of our final grade, we await the arrival of our visitors.  Military soldiers and officers "hurry up and wait."  We wait until we can be a year older, drive a car, get married, go on vacation!  We may be content for hours, days, even years, but it comes to an end so bitterly.






As Christians, we wait very IMPAITIENTLY to get married to our young loves so we can....consummate our marriage!  We think that once we can consummate our marriages EVERYTHING will be hunky dory.  Well, it is for about 2 weeks, and then normal life sets in and we are running on high octane, but the fumes cannot sustain forever.  Then we wait for something else to change. 






You see our focus is off!  God does give us marriage as a foreshadow of what is to come, but it is only a foreshadow.  Israel thought everything was PERFECT in the promised land until....well, you see it was a foreshadow of Heaven!  We await the CONSUMMATION of our being with Christ y'all! (I went ahead and said it.)  When was the last time we thirsted for Heaven, namely Christ our Lord.  He is our Bridegroom and we are his Bride.  We have the most glorious life ahead if we look to Him through our troubled souls.  Seek the Kingdom and His righteousness.   I desire to wait for Him and His kingdom and  as I waited so "impatiently" for my love on our wedding night.






Coram Deo.

Insta-Culture

So my hubby and I were having a conversation about this Insta-Culture we live in.  Why do people struggle with getting stuff done?  Why are people so overly consumed with themselves that it hinders them from accomplishing their responsibilities, having problems discerning what to say "yes" and "no" to, being tossed into a seemingly real depression, having to know whats going on in "Suzy's" house, etc.  Well, the short answer is USUALLY self.  Self gratification, self centeredness, self UNcontrol, laziness, worship of others, and the summation of it all, self worship. 


Lets face it, we are addicts.  We are addicted to ideas, ideologies, people, pleasures, substances.  I'm sure I missed some.  I find myself fixed on the Savior one minute and on to myself the next.  John Piper is so right in that we have to FIGHT for Joy.  Joy in the finished work of Christ.  Joy in the journey of sanctification.  Joy in our sufferings as they are the working out of the fruits of the Spirit in us and our ultimate salvation.  Joy in the service of our callings, our choices, our responsibilities, our duties.


Back to Insta-culture.  Here's a thought.  A hundred years ago, heck, TWENTY years ago, we woke up, went to our "work," ate food a few times a day, read some books, or worked some more, chatted on the phone a few times a week to our best ones, watched a little idiot box with the fam (wrote letters if you lived in Downton?  Ok, I'll admit, I am a little addicted to Downton.  Shucks, we used to like Murder She Wrote.  Come on people!  Should have stuck with the hundred years ago....oh well.  I'll close the parentheses now.), and went to bed.  When we thought about someone, we wrote them a letter, or made a phone call that lasted 30 minutes at most because we had to get back to what we HAD to do.  Now, we wake up, look up what EVERYONE AROUND THE GLOBE is doing and then make breakfast (maybe), looking AGAIN at MEDIA, going to "work", taking a break, texting, checking MEDIA, driving home whist texting (if you're a rebel), ok this is starting to depress me.  Whatever.  You get my made up analogy.  Is there anytime for meditation, quiet, practicing something new, praying for people who come to mind, reading,  visiting your neighbor who just had surgery, asking someone over for dinner, mowing the lawn?  Well, sure there is, for some, but my point I suppose is dual.  1) You can usually get most of the things done that you are supposed to if you just steadily go about your day doing those things, and if not, no big deal.  You might leave the last dishes until the morning.  Or on a sick day, your house might end up looking like the aftermath of an atomic bomb.  It's ok!  Some days are made to "survive."  There is beauty in being humbled.   2) YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!  You need not please everyone, answer everyone who "knocks on your door", compare what Joe and Suzy do every weekend, worry about who "likes" your photo or post, or even who doesn't "like" your stuff.  There is not a conspiracy going around about you.  People don't talk about you all the time.  Let's face it, if they do, its probably not that healthy, and the world will still spin.  They are responsible for that.  NOT YOU or ME!  Let's focus people.  Stop reading this silly post.  :)


Ha ha.  Thanks for visiting my ridiculous blog.  Just joking.  I'm praying that God would help me to do what I've thought about. Peace out.  ;)


Corum Deo.

Whose Am I?

This is a hard for me.  I feel as though I'm a baby bird trying to poke my way out of this difficult shell.  But to the outsider, the shell is soft.  And he doesn't know how weak the baby bird is.  He wants to tear open the soft shell and do everything for the chick.  But he can't.  And that sums up life doesn't it?  Or motherhood.  Or something profound.  Or maybe not.  Welcome to my brain! (sigh)


I've struggled a lot finding myself lately.  Although this is not a completely foreign feeling.  We do this all our lives.  We are philoshopers.  We are thologians.  We are imperfect.  Yet, we are made in His image.  That makes us set apart from creation.  Set apart for His works.  (Eph 2:10)  But then we struggle.  And cry.  And fight.  And tell God we are nothing.  We try and convince Him that we fail all the time.  We listen to our feelings and the Father of Lies.  We beg Him to stop time.  To make the sun stand still.  We feel sorry for ourselves.  We stop reading His Word.  We tread the waters of life, thinking we are going to drown in the next moments.  We don't though.  He washes us to shore yet once again.  He is faithful.  We KNOW this, yet we refuse to live our lives as though we BELONG to him (still learning what that is).  Rather, we live as though we belong to our bodies.  We feed them organic food (I confess), exercise (sometimes) regularly, and muster up strength to get through the day, week, year, etc.  We use CAFFEINE to accomplish this at times.  (um, can I get an AMEN! God made it people!!)  Then we flop in our beds and dread the next morning when our kids wake us up too early because we watched too many episodes of Downton Abbey the night before.  This has not always been my life, no, it has just been a couple years for me. 


Where is the victorious life?!!  Where is carefree living?  Where is my hairbrush?  Oh wait, that's a song. 


So the philosopher in me wants to perfect and groom my life into this ideal package...which I keep changing.  Ironic, isn't it?  The theologian just got thrown out into the Pacific (guess Atlantic now) Ocean without her Bible or library.  Deep waters suck the life out of your body.  And all the while we MOAAANNNN and CRRYYYYY and weep.  We say, "God, where are YOU!!!!"  We live as though we are trying to figure out who we are in the deep waters.  Yet our God wants us to see that we are nothing.  We are imperfect girls, women, moms, daughters, wives, sisters.  We ALWAYS need forgiveness.  We need HIM.  He wants us to recognize to whom we belong.  And the answer for the Christian is "we belong to Christ."  What does that mean?  I have a lot of answers for that, but you and I need to cling to different verses at different times in our lives.  So Ill leave you to open your Bible and figure it out.  And yes, you can figure it out. 


Still trying to remind and train my mind to KNOW this and ask myself this everyday.  In the mean time, I'm resting.  Resting in Gods promise of Life, and of Care.  Because He loves me.  And He loves you too.  And while I'm all mushy, I love you too.  No really, I do.  :)

Ashamed of the Gospel? No, not meeee......

Romans 1:16- "For I am not ashamed of the Gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek."

Growing up, I always was faced(six days a week- five days at school and one day at church)with my dear Pastor Blanke's licence plate that had "RMNS116" on its face.  From a very young age I recall thinking about this verse and conversing about it with my father and teachers at school.  I remember pondering what that meant and asking myself if I was ashamed of the Gospel. 

Sure, we could all think of a couple times we were convicted about this.  Meeting someone new and wanting to  proclaim God's gospel in your life and failing to do so because of what they may think or not having enough time, etc.  What about being ashamed of the Gospel in someone else's life?  Now, don't get me wrong, I know Paul isn't asking that question of us, but clearly just a few verses earlier in twelve he states, "...that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each others faith, both yours and mine."  After that he talks about sharing the Gospel with all those in Rome.  Does the question naturally arise?  Maybe not, but I was thinking about it nonetheless. 

Have you ever been ashamed of the Gospel?  I have.  Some times, I knew right away, and now I realize I didn't even know I had been.  I see now I have, and have come to a place where I need to seek the Lord and ask once again to show me my sins of the past.  The ones I have been ignorant of until now.

Have you ever been treated this way?  I'm sure you have.  I have been.  And nothing hurts more than the feeling of condemnation when in reality, its doesn't exist.

The time I refused to converse with a fellow believer because even though I had, or so I thought, chose to overlook or forgive them for something they had done, I chose to not be seen with them or even encourage them WITH the Gospel.  I chose not to let others know that I was behind them not on the basis of their deeds, but on the Gospel!  The POWER of it in that persons life.  The power that the Gospel gives to forgive them, restore them, love them, take away their guilt, continually declare that Christ paid for their sin and they DON'T have to!!  I don't need to remind them of their sin because they are FREE from their sin and condemnation!  Praise the Lord! 

I was ashamed of the Gospel and chose not to partake in its POWER and LOVE!  I chose not to declare to others not just the Gospel in context of evangelism, but of the daily POWER it gives me and my brothers and sisters!!  Shame on me. 

May the Lord grant me a ever fresh and sensitive fleshy heartbeat of the Power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ our Lord in my life and in the ones HE holds dear.  And may I never again put aside anyone who comes with humble heart to me or anyone else in contrition and in surrender. But rather, love them and do whatever I can to help remind them of the Great Gospel of this life!

So go ahead, invite that person over, let everyone see at church that you show no partiality for the highly esteemed, encourage the lowly publicly, love them unconditionally.  Just as Christ calls us to!  For THIS is the GOSPEL and the POWER of it.  Amen.

Corem Deo,
paige

Happy in the Lord

Kyle reminded me of this quote.  What a beautiful profound task and privilege!  I am praying that ALL my days would be made manifest in this glorious truth.  Not merely for the sake of saying so, but rather, for the sake of my poor soul.  Amen.

2012 Family Pictures Part 1

Proverbs 29:11



 

A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.

 

 

God is so Good

Psalm 73:26

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

 

1 Cor. 12:7-10,  

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

 

I praise Him for His goodness to me.

 

 

Heirs of Grace

So thankful for our Lord Jesus who has suffered so that we can be heirs with Him!  What a mind boggling reality!  Praise the Lord!  May we, too, find joy in suffering so that others may know this glorious truth!  That is my prayer today.

Happy Reformation Day!

Happy Reformation Day all you Protestants!

Davey the Donkey (Who Carried a King)

Tonight I read this story to the boys.  Kyle and I bought it a couple months ago, and I recall him reading it to the boys a time or two.  I, however, have not even peeked at it, to my shame, until the full reading of it just now. 

Well, in one sense, I am embarrassed I have not done so already, but once again, in God's glorious providence, I am thankful I hadn't.  It could not have been a more timely lesson for this young and aging soul. 

Davey was the only donkey who has not been chosen to do any sort of work, even though all his siblings and predecessors have!  He was so discouraged by this until one day he was chosen to carry Jesus the King of Israel on Palm Sunday.  He had been so filled with pride following this, that after he returned to his pen with his family, that he resented all other work he was finding he had to do.  Carrying olives was not his idea of work!  Carrying kings was.  At another time, he and his master had witnessed a man who was being beaten and carrying a beam on his shoulders while being mocked and spat on.  It was the King he has carried!  Through the weaving of the story, Davey learns that anyone who has the King for his Master, should be glad to carry any load he is given, and with joy.  Oh! how my heart is learning this on a deeper level every day and year that passes.  My sin is so great that I should expect to only carry "worthy" loads instead of any load that my Master should ordain.  I pray that my heart will be continued to be humbled by our great God who doesn't just give us any sack of "olives" to carry on our back.  He gives us only good gifts, and promises to carry us when we are too weak to do so.  Praise the One who paid my debt!  Praise Him from whom all blessings flow.  Woe to me if I think so highly of myself that I resent to carry anything that He asks me bear!  Lord, make me, mold me, do whatever you wish with me.  Amen.

Discipline is a Language

I had a nice conversation with a friend lately about the "s" word...spanking.  This friend had a very understandable and heartfelt concern that her child might not truly understand what a spanking might be when done at a young age.  I think this is a common theme throughout Western thought processes.  As a mother, I understand where this concern comes from.

However, I think that if we view discipline, which includes spanking at times, as a language instead of "hitting", there may be a better understanding of its purpose.  Like any language, it is learned, not understood from its primacy.  It is understood by its consistency, not spurts.  It "speaks" and "thinks"(walks) in wisdom with time, not impulse.

Of course, all these are graces of God.

Corem Deo.

Weeds

Weeds have been my new friend lately.  I have decided that I am a gardener this year.  Our first vegetable garden, lots of pretty plants, and new grass!  I am outside at least 3-4 times a week weeding, watering and mowing.....well mowing only once or twice a week.  :)  I love mowing lawns.  I think that if you love vacuuming, you'll love mowing!  It has that instant gratification and line making sharpness that I love. 

Anyway, back to weeds.  One of the reasons I am sure I love all of this is because I love thinking. (Big surprise!)  I have always loved processing, thinking, philosophizing, saving the world....you know. (Or maybe you don't.) :D  I also love silence.  At times I miss being 19, and going for drives.  Three hour drives. (Gas was only $.99)  Silence is so wonderful to me.  Talking to God, thinking about scripture, theology, my loves.  But WEEDS!!!  Weeds have given me another new thing to think about.  Weeds, like all things in nature, all point back to theology.  How?  Well, lots of ways.  Weeds can represent sin, people, wolves dressed like sheep, and can point back to our Lord's parables.  So many outlets!!  I am loving it.  One of the hugest highlights has been asking the Lord to show me which weed I am like OR what sins in my life represent the current weed I am pulling.  There are so many kinds!  But adjacently and regionally, there are only so many.  What weed is my pride?  What weed is my judgement?  Which weed is my attitude on _______?  You know....asking the Lord to show me my sin so I can rip it out! and ask Him to replace it with a pretty seed or flower.  Even after replanting (renewing my mind...Romans 12), I still need constant weeding.  That's all for now.  I have to go listen to my sweet babies play and laugh.  I will pray for more silence so I can think some more. ;)

Hope you are enjoying this season on sowing and weeding in your life!!

The Tapestry of Providence

A lot has happened in my life that God has used to shape me. I could not list all, however, there are about a dozen or two that will never lose their sharpness. You can easily guess some of them, for example: deaths, marriage, childbirth. Others you would have to know me in order to know of them such as, different Providences regarding relationships and trials that the Lord has used to purify my soul. This recent one is very unique in many ways. As I have reflected on our current trial, I have observed that
1) God loves to provide for His me in incalculable ways,
2) If I am not careful to search for Him in trial, then I miss the tapestry He is weaving, and
3) God answers prayers and desires in seemingly difficult circumstances, sometimes completely "unconnected" when looking up close, but as you step back and look at the Weaver's work, it is more beautiful than you could could even imagine!

Many of you have inquired of what has happened in the last two weeks. Kyle and I thank you for your persistence. It makes us feel wrapped in care. Many of you have some details, and are reading this to learn more. Thank you for your patience! It has been our desire to fill you in, and also a big reason I am writing now. Some of you have had no idea what I am talking about....and still you wish me to hustle up. I promise I'll get there. Please know that the details might be endless, and I do not care to share them as much as I wish to magnify the Lord for His beautiful, unmistakable, matchless, and tender care He has so graciously bestowed on me, Kyle, and many others.

So what happened?

On April 3rd, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive! Yay! We were joy filled and thankful! We love our little muchies....uhem....children. We had a young couple over that night and wanted so badly to spill the news, but of course, we withheld because we hadn't even told our family yet, and were planning to wait another week or two. During our meeting and family worship, I had to excuse myself because of pains I was having. Having had two miscarriages prior, I was a little concerned, but fixed my eyes on the Truth and chose to just pray and ask the Lord to get me through. He did, but the next day was feeling poorly again.

Per Kyle's leading, we had my blood drawn to get a hormone count and compare it to a future reading to see if I was in fact miscarrying or if our sweet baby was fine. Because of Kyle's class schedule, Nana and Papa were taking care of us that evening and we were still hopeful that everything was okay.

April 5th, was the day a lot happened physically and spiritually. I woke at 5am to the same pains I had on the 3rd, but they were worse. They continued through the morning and my doctors office was preparing me for the miscarriage as the pain I was experiencing was not within normal range anymore. I had already prepared myself in part, and just entrusted it to the Lord. After two doses of heavy pain reliever, my pain continued to increase. I was getting very concerned. After informing Kyle of this, we decided it was time to head to ER.

My brother-in-law/paramedic extraordinaire escorted me there while Kyle made his way. Appendicitis was a possibility as well as kidney stones, but on that ride, the pain shifted to my right side. Ectopic was on my mind. But pain defeated any deep thoughts I had. After getting some amazing drug that took my pain away (Praise the Lord!), I was headed to ultrasound. By the middle of the ultrasound, Kyle had arrived and he had no smile on his face. If you know Kyle, that is not common. Instead, I saw him immediately plead to the Lord to help his wife. Although he often prays with and for me, I had never seen his face in a state of helplessness. He was entrusting the his concern to the Lord. It was that moment that I resolved to trust the Lord with every detail of the day and my future state. We were given a peace by the Lord that I was familiar with....the one you can't explain. I had a prompting that I was going to need surgery no matter what the outcome and asked the Lord to save me from death. Also, a first.

After returning to ER, the wonderful doctor confirmed that I was, in fact, having another ectopic pregnancy, but unlike the prior, this baby(plus clotting) had managed to rupture my tube and had grown in size to fill my 1cm fallopian tube to an unbelievable 8 cm. Internal bleeding, multiple clots in my tube....surgery was happening now. I was very placid and calm, as was Kyle. Another testimony to the grace of our Lord. Details were explained, papers were signed...OR it was. They took my right tube out as it was not salvageable. (A salpingectomy for all you nerds like me.)

The Lord in His graciousness took care of me in so many countless ways I cannot even begin to tell you. Everything was smooth, clauses in paperwork were not needed, family was doing everything to care and pray for us. That is what happened, but it was just the beginning...

Back to my numerical list from above and my favorite part of this update:

1)The Lord has held us in His hand in such a way that the storm has not seemed as great as the depth of the explanation might paint it to look. The Lord has taught us so clearly of the hope of heaven, that our doctrine has assuaged much of our fear and grief. And a newer realization has been brewing in my heart in the last few months. It has reminded me that as I seek to add more Kingdom children, I have done so by ushering another sweet soul to His care. What a privilege!!

Our family and friends have been so AMAZING in providing babysitting in our home, meals, prayers, notes, etc ...we have had no time to be anything but thankful!! Truly, this has been a blessed experience and I pray for more times in which I can rely more fully on Him!

2) Knowing and TRUSTING that He is working ALL things for my good has to change the way I think. It has. What else is there to do than to trust my God with my life in which He has made and sustains and has numbered. I am saddened to the depths of my soul for those who do not have God as their Savior. What else is there to do?! I have a refreshed view of my "neighbors" and how I so desire to share the depth of the riches of His glory. O, how I long to see men and women and children living for the only God for whom this world was made for!

3)When reflecting on this last thought (while not mentioning all of them), the Lord brought to mind my grandmother, Ida Franzen. One of the most beautiful women I have and will ever know. At her funeral, dozens of people mentioned of her most lovely and godly attributes, her gratitude. Gratitude to people and to God. I remember distinctly thinking and praying that God would make me that woman. "Lord, make me known as a thankful woman, and may I always thank you."

I thank God for that impression. As I stepped back to look at the tapestry he has been weaving these past weeks, He allowed me to see that He has, and is, answering my prayer. I have had very little time to even gaze upon my feelings, and I am thankful for that. Reflection is for looking back at something, and the discipline of "being" in something looks different. He made me a thankful woman by sending so many people, instantly and constantly, to physically care for me and my family, pray for me, make meals for us, send cards, flowers, call to check and see how we were doing, etc.

I have never been so thankful in all my life. Never. I am so THANKFUL for this trial and to be a mere piece of clay of my Potter's. Without it, I would not have an answered prayer. God is GOOD. He is KIND. He is in CONTROL. He has my heart. He is WORTHY of all our praise. Praise God, all creatures of our God and King! PRAISE HIM!

O Happy Day!

Kyle and his new Bentley.

Sunset in St. Maarten.

My love.

Cockelshell beach in St. Kitts.

Little Bay, St. Maarten

St. Maarten.....a reoccurring theme. I loved this place!

St. Maarten water taxi.

Brewers Bay, British Virgin Islands Another FAVORITE!

Tortola, B.V.I.

It is a happy day for many reasons...seven years ago tonight was the eve of our wedding day, we just disembarked from our wonderful Carribean cruise vacation today, and we get to see our beloved children tomorrow! What a happy day!

There is so much to write, but I am amazingly tired from all our vacationing! :)

Here are a few of my most favorite pictures from our not so little getaway. Enjoy!